My husband is addicted to marijuana. I found it out one day after we got married. That day, he was acting very weirdly and wanted to go out in the night. Upon being questioned, he showed me a small bag of cannabis. I was distraught and shocked, but he assured me it belonged to his friend and it will take some time for him to return it to his friend.
He made fool of me and I let him keep it because I wanted to give him a chance. It has now been 7 years and he still has not even thought of giving it up. We now have a child and I thought he would change, but it has made him take more of it. As I always remain busy with our child, he knew I wouldn’t interrupt him.
I have also mentioned it to his family but they don’t take it seriously. They keep on saying that I should have patience (sabr) and he will change one day. At this point, I don’t really care about trust because I know I’ll never be able to trust him. My question is, should I still wait for him to change? Is it worth giving him another chance?
I left my whole life and my family for this guy. I am lost and feel like it is affecting me mentally. I pray 5 times a day and try my best to focus on my faith (imaan). I ask him to pray as well but he never listens to me. I feel like this whole marriage was just a way of him to please his parents. I feel cheated and betrayed. Could you advise me what I should do as a next step? He has asked me to give him 2 weeks but why should I give him two weeks? Why can he not just stop right away! I would be grateful for any advice or guidance.
Answer
Salam Alaikum,
In this counseling video, you will learn:
First, understand the psychology behind addictions: these people use these substitutes in order to cope with fear, and anxiety, or any other stressor in their life. Marijuana is a tool for your husband to manage certain problems, unfortunately.
Addictions cannot be given up by most people. These people usually need a support network, a system, a specific process to give it up – and lots of patience.
He has to want to change. He needs to recognize this addiction causes huge problems, he risks losing his marriage.
He needs to value the marriage and his life in order to be motivated to change and give up drugs.
Otherwise, is he a good man? Does he take care of you? You must look at his other characteristics and make sure you are happy with that man.
Don’t talk to him as if you would be his mother. Approach him and invite him to change as a friend.
Reach out for help: first maybe yourself. Seek a counselor’s help on how to deal with an addict.
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