I’m here alone with my kids. My son is approaching puberty, I really want some male to discuss with him about these issues.
He is too young now to discuss anything. Just 10 minutes before as I took his tablet from him. I checked his history like I check-in routine at anytime every 6-7 days.
I was extremely shocked and depressed to see that my son who prays regularly in the mosque had been watching porn for the last 10-15 days.
He doesn’t have a father now. Nor do I know any male here who can talk to him.
How should I approach this matter? I’m already a broken-hearted woman from the death of my husband.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
•I would recommend turning to your local imam. He will be best placed to talk to him about these matters with an Islamic perspective.
•You might consider asking his school exactly what is being taught regarding puberty.
•You should also be prepared as a parent to answer any questions he may have.
•Having a loving a nurturing relationship will enable him to feel that he can turn to you for such questions.
•You can support him by buying him books on the topic that he can explore in his own time.
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
Inna lilahi wa Inna ilayi rajioon. Sorry to hear of the passing of your husband. May Allah make it easy for you and grant him the highest status in Jannah.
You are now in a position where you are raising your children as a single parent. This comes with many struggles, but the one you are facing now is with your teen son and your worry about how to educate him in matters relating to puberty now that your husband is no longer here. It is particularly concerning now that you have discovered that he has been watching porn.
It is much easier and perhaps appropriate for a male to discuss such matters with him, but without your husband, you would now like to find another male but do not know of any.
In your case, if he does not have any uncles who could approach the topic with him, I would recommend turning to your local imam.
He will be best placed to talk to him about these matters with an Islamic perspective in mind which would mean he will be able to advise regarding porn.
It may be that your son was not aware that porn is haram, so he may have watched it in ignorance. The imam would be able to address this with him indirectly without necessarily having to say they you had found out he had been watching it.
If it is that the local masjid holds classes with the youth then you could suggest that it is a topic that is spoken about with the group. Or else, if this is not an option, then he could talk to him one to one.
It can be quite an uncomfortable topic, but if it goes unaddressed then it can be even more dangerous and the issue of porn could become a more serious one that will cause major problems for him later.
Aside from asking the imam to talk to him about it from the Islamic perspective, it is quite likely that he is being educated on it to some extent at school.
Therefore, you might consider asking his school exactly what is being taught regarding puberty so you can have in mind what he is learning and what he is knowledgeable about. The imam would then be able to support this with the addition of the Islamic perspective.
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Aside from these sources of information, you should also be prepared as a parent to answer any questions he may have. Having a loving a nurturing relationship will enable him to feel that he can turn to you for such questions.
Again, this may be uncomfortable, but it will save him from turning to unreliable sources such as friends who may advise him wrongly.
He may never have questions, but at least if he feels comfortable to ask you, he will turn to you first.
Additionally, you can support him by buying him books in the topic that he can explore in his own time. This will help to answer any questions he may have indirectly as well as letting him know that you are there to support him also.
May Allah reward your concern to raise your son on the straight path and may He guide you both in this journey.
Ameen
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
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