Q I’ve been in my second marriage for around 10 years now. My first marriage was to someone I had never met before from Pakistan and on my wedding night I found out he was in his 30’s while I was still 18. I accepted this as my fate and continued with my life.

When my husband first arrived in the UK, he was okay, but then started to lie to me. He hid money and drank and I became more impatient with him to the point where I kicked him out of the house. During this period, I asked for a divorce. Soon after, I met someone who was divorced, and he was in the same boat as me.

I was in a bad situation and just wanted someone to be there for me and care for me. He understood me, showed me lots of respect and care and we ended up getting married. I have two boys from each of my marriages. Our first year or two were alright, but as time passed my husband started abusing my personality and generosity.

I work full time while he hardly works and is always traveling back to Pakistan and when he returns, he is only here for a short time. It’s always to get money out of people. Throughout the years he borrowed money from my family, me, and people in the community. I don’t know what he does with the money he takes it to Pakistan and says he is investing in a business.

He took some money to Pakistan to invest and 5 months later returned with less than he invested. I am so frustrated, he is always asking for money and it’s making me depressed. I recently found out he has also taken money from community members and people are coming to my door. I feel so ashamed.

He is currently abroad. When I tell him that people are coming to me for his debt, he denies it and says to just call the police when that happens. He also gets very aggressive if I don’t answer his calls and accuses me of having an affair. He disrespects me and my family so much and hasn’t paid back most of what he borrowed from them.

My kids get affected too much by his behavior. I keep trusting him and he breaks my trust each time. I have personally lent him money and taken out two loans for him. He promises me he will pay it back and takes big oaths but it’s always the same.

I am in so much despair I have asked him for a divorce out of anger and he ridiculed me. He is aware of how tight my schedule is with the kids and works yet accuses me of having an affair. I know my family will just tell me I got myself into this. I cannot handle this anymore and how much it is affecting me. Please advise as I don’t know what to do.